Purple Bottom!!!!!

This morning my whole "Thank-God-It's-Friday" mind-set has been ruined by the sight of a flat and limp behind of a fat cow. As I was rushing through the underground paths of the subway, submerged in my own thoughts of how to get the best out of this last day of the week, I was shaken back to reality when my eyes were violated with that repulsive mass.

What turned me off is not the unpleasant figure, nor the tightness of the pants which defined all the imperfections, but the phrase that ran across that behind. No, it wasn't "Juicy" or "Pink". I was able to discern "Purple Bottom" and that's when the crazy naked man who lives in a solitary confinement inside my brain started running around in circles to help me understand what the heck that expression meant. "Purple Bottom"? Oh God!!! I was so infuriated by that scene that I could visualize myself flogging her behind until it really turned purple.

Anyhow, when I landed back to Earth from my diabolic thoughts of torturous ways of punishing stupid women who have no other means to attract attention other than with such means, I squinted my eyes..... Then, from staring at that "so-called bottom", I was able to read "Apple Bottom"

Apple??? Apple??? are you frigging kiddin' me? That flappy patty is an apple? MY FOOT is an apple you disgusting moronic cow!!!